Wizards and Tiaras
by writingpikachu
Summary: I DO NOT OWN THE HP SERIES  I'd like to but no  Ginny convinces Harry that their child would THRASH the competition in the Winter Wonderland Beauty Pageant; only they didn't agree which child. Fortunately another certain wizard had that same brainwave...
1. Chapter 1

I know I know, I sorta have a thing for crossdressing guys XD but can you imagine al in an alice in wonderland dress? No? oh, then yes, i have a thing for crossdressing guys XD I got this idea when my buddy (sasukereplica) and i were derping on msn and i was ranting/watching toddlers and tiaras while he wrote another harrydraco fic XD and as you know, the crackiest ideas usually turn out to be the best XD sooo enjoy! OwO

*INSERT COOL TRANSITION HERE*

"HARRY!" Harry got home from work to see Ginny shrieking at him, grasping a muggle flier and his daughter in a headlock. "I'VE HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL IDEA!"

"WON'T!" Lily screamed, her face going as red as her flaming red hair. "I WON'T DO IT! DADDY HELP ME!"

"What is it this time?" Harry sighed. The last 'most wonderful idea' Ginny had involved clearing out their wizarding things, like Al's enchanted teddy bear, and selling them off to Muggles in what was known as a 'yard sale'. From the look on her face and his daughter's face he doubted that this was any better.

"Take a look!" she beamed, shoving the flier in his face.

"Winter Beauties Beauty Pageant…?" he paused, flipping the paper to see if there was something he was missing.

"Yes! It's a competition muggles have to show their children's beauty!" Ginny went on happily. "If Lily enters we'll win for sure – even if we don't confundus the judges!"

Harry's fingertips on his right hand lightly touched his face. "Do we have to?"

"OF COURSE!" Ginny cried, making him wince. "It's a chance for Lily to SHINE! And the extra money –"

"I DON'T WANT TO SHINE! I DON'T MIND BEING THE OLIVE GREEN IN A BOX OF NEON CRAYONS!" Lily shrieked. "I LIKE BEING OLIVE GREEN! I LIKE-"

"I'LL TURN YOU OLIVE GREEN IN A MINUTE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" Harry roared. Really, this wasn't the kind of welcome he wanted after coming home from chasing down murderous wizards and paperwork. "I'll think about it," he stomped into his study.

"Fill the application for me dear! You know this muggle stuff better than I do!" Ginny called after him.

"He better not fill it out," Lily muttered.

Inside his study, Harry looked at the paper more clearly. Oh gosh, he threw up inwardly – a little girl aged no more than Al was right now was dolled up so she looked plastic and fake.

Wait, Al… he grinned to himself. Sure he could enter Lily, but was she what they were looking for? Did she have the flair and pizzazz her brother had? If that was what you called brattiness these days, that is. His grin became devious, like the look James had not long before something blew up in their house. With that he grabbed a quill and started scribbling into the application.

"Al… Al…" he paused. He forgot that these Muggles look closely at names… "Al..ice?" he nodded to himself and scribbled in his scratchy handwriting 'Alice Potter'.


	2. Chapter 2

*pops out from cupboard* WAI HARRO GUYS! I'M STILL ALIVE! ...anyone? *forever alone face* anyway sorry for such a late upload orz don't do IB guys, trust me. i'll try update more often... ANYHOOO

*COOL TRANSITION*

Albus 'Alice' Potter sat quietly in the sparkly pink chair while Aunty Hermione hurriedly swiped at the wig on his head, grumbling to herself about how sexist the idea of pageants was. He scowled to himself; he should be the one grumbling – HE was the one ENTERING. This was so embarrassing… what if someone like Scorpius Malfoy saw him?

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DISGUSTING PLEBIAN!" Al whipped his head so fast that his wig and Aunty Hermione had barely managed to swivel with him.

"Now, now, Scorpius," Sure enough, two platinum blonde heads – one with shoulder length hair and the other with slicked back hair – were talking while a frantic woman tried to brush at the smaller blonde's lush locks. "The nice Muggle is trying to make you look fabulous!"

"I suppose," Scorpius muttered mutinously. "Though I don't see why I should flaunt ALL my fabulousity for this pageant. I could have my hair and makeup like Grandpa Lucius when he wakes up in the morning and still win…"

"Scorpius?" the blonde whipped around and glared at Al

"I'm not Scorpius, I'm Sally Mae!" he sniffed. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Al grinned. "Did your dad make you do this too?"

"Are you joking? This is MY area of expertise!" Scorpius/Sally Mae replied, eyeing Al's wig critically. "And your roots are obviously showing, darling"

Al put a hand to his head. "How did you do yours?"

"Dear, it's called a hair-lengthening charm," Scorpius smirked. "Daddy did it for me this morning, he always does it for pageants,"

"Wait, your father does that for you?" Al bit back a laugh.

"Why? Doesn't yours?" he went on. "Daddy likes it when I compete, he likes showing how much more fabulous pure bloods are," he rolled his eyes. "Mummy encourages me to do more boyish things; she gave me a Firebolt 3.0 for Christmas, but who wants to get all icky and dirty for the sake of some balls?"

"Um, I do," Al piped up.

"Well obviously YOU would," he sneered. "Why-"

"Sally Mae, hold still, we're going to do your makeup now!" Draco trilled, grabbing his son by the shoulder and rushing him over to another table. "Smokey eyes – NOW!"

"Either way," Scorpius winked. "Have fun" he leered while being towed.

Al watched in fascination as eyeshadow was caked onto the blonde's face. He then turned back to Aunty Hermione, who looked like she was about to breath fire.

"You should have seen the look on your Uncle Ron's face," she muttered as she delicately jabbed brown eyeshadow into his eye socket.

"Did he go BLOODY HELL like last week at dinner?" Al asked curiously.

"He said a lot more than that about your parents," she sighed. "Hold still," she lightly slapped blush onto his cheeks. "Rose had a good laugh though – she wanted to come along today."

"Glad she didn't" he murmured. Rose would have poked fun at both Scorpius and himself – and his cousin fought with Sally Mae like cats and dogs.

Hermione smiled sympathetically at him and handed him a mirror. As he looked at himself , he realized how different he looked – his almond-shaped eyes were rounder and he as he licked his lips, he tasted the vanilla from the pale pink gloss she had put on him.

"What about the gap between my front teeth?" he asked, putting a finger where his baby front tooth had been last week before his brother James had decided to pretend he was a bludger.

"I can fix that, my parents were dentists," Hermione looked around dubiously. Then she pulled out her wand. "_Dentacus Reparo_."

Al felt something bubble up from beneath his gums, and then a jelly-like blob seemed to emerge from it. Then the blob started to harden and shape into a tooth. He flicked his tongue roughly over it, and it felt as legit as an actual tooth.

"See? Perfect," she smiled. "Now get out there and show everyone your inner beauty, Alice!"

With that she shoved him on stage to bright lights and politely clapping crowds. The audience sighed at Al's wide peridot eyes casting a doe-eyed look on everyone. Then he spotted Harry in the corner pretending to strut, and he followed suit.

"This is Alice!" The emcee intoned as sparkly jazzy music came on. "Alice is 10 years old, has brown hair and green eyes, and likes to play…" he paused. "Quidditch."

A snort of laughter came from the audience, and Al had to quickly extinguish a temper flame. He pasted on a smile again as he twirled. Maybe Sally Mae was right – he was having fun!

Wait- in the corner dear old Uncle Ron was grinning evilly. And he was holding Aunty Hermione's purse – the extendable one. Rooting around, he pulled out a photograph of the Marauders (minus Wormtail) picking on the young Severus Snape.

At first they were jabbing at Snape with their wands, but Moony, Padfoot and Prongs turned in horror to see what their offspring were up to. Prongs put his head in his hands as the other Marauders and Snape laughed on at him. Then Prongs ran to the edge of the photograph and shook his fist at Harry, who grinned back innocently.

"Give a hand for Alice!" Al twirled once more and then strutted offstage, to be met by Sally Mae and Rose.

"We've come to an agreement," Rose declared. "I hate Scorpius but I like Sally Mae; and I love this!" She grinned evilly, holding a camera. "SMILE!"

Al did, posing beautifully, while Scorpius photobombed in the background with duck lips.

Rose sighed, grinning at them. "I guess that will have to do. I need to save film for the winter wear section!"

"Wait, winter wear?" Al frowned.

"Yeah! Didn't you know? There's beauty round, winter wear, and outfit of choice!" Scorpius explained, shooting a glare at Rose. "Then there are all the extra bits like talents." Sally Mae sneered. "You going to fly your broom around on the stage?"

"No…" Al paused. "What are you going to do?"

"Me? I'm a dancer!" Scorpius declared, doing a perfect pirouette. "Daddy's been taking me to his teacher for years!"

"SALLY MAE!" Speak of the devil, Draco strode in and grabbed his son by the shoulder. "Come on – you need to change into your White Winter Wonderland number!"

Al paused and then turned to Rose. "What's my talent?"


End file.
